Jan 25

Written by:
1/25/2010 9:31 AM 

Sometimes when searching for an assisted living facility, it is hard to know exactly what you’re searching for, or what you’ll find when you get there. That’s because, as a recent study points out in the prestigious journal Health Affairs, the definition of "assisted living" is fuzzy at best. When does independent living rise to the level of assisted living care? When does assisted living evolve into skilled nursing? It has been tough to get agreement in the field as to where the borders lie — it usually depends on the state where you live and its rules.

One thing is for sure these days: assisted living offers a broad range of choices, even in one’s own neighborhood. And the good news is that there is at last a national search engine — my blog host SNAPforSeniors.com — that offers detailed information on many if not all of those local facilities to help you choose among them.

I wish I had had SNAPforSeniors.com when I was searching for my Mom’s facility seven years ago. I had spent three years before that cajoling and coercing her to move from her increasingly dangerous Buffalo, New York home 200 miles away to a facility near me in Lakewood, Ohio. If only I had a useful tool to help me approach this conversation such as the Long Term Care Family Conversation Checklist, I might have been able to lessen the time to convince Mom to consider a transition. Finally, during her Christmas visit to our house in 2002, I snapped. I told everyone I’d be out for a few hours and proceeded to do a quick tour of three nearby facilities. The results were like the Three Bears: one facility was way too expensive (over $3,000 a month), one was gloomy and depressing (my spirits sank just standing in the corridor), and one was just right — "just right" meaning, in this case, talking with a personable administrator as she toured me through some bright, sunny rooms and exchanged friendly greetings with staff along the way. It had a good feeling to it, plus it was relatively affordable at $900 a month (low-cost because it was "independent," not "assisted," although that changed and fees had doubled by the time my Mom passed away in 2008).

Basically, my wife Peggy and I had seen what we wanted to see. Had we availed ourselves to such practical resource materials such as the Assisted Living Tour Checklist and the Assisted Living Administrative Checklist, it would have been helpful. But, with what we had: Sold.

Note that I’ve said nothing about researching government documents or survey inspection reports or web sites or any other formal information sources. I just went on my gut instincts. Happily, it all worked out: my Mom experienced fine dining, entertainment, travel excursions and playful fun with her great-grandchildren that she never would have had experienced otherwise.

But that’s getting a little ahead of the story. Peggy and I finally convinced Mom that staying home was not an option — that enduring the trauma of a move from her 50-year-long residence was inescapable, but Peggy and I would be at her side all the way. And we survived it.

And, as I mentioned, it worked out well. But the initial payoff came about six months later when I heard Mom tell a friend — after all our years of persuasion and struggle — "This was one of the best decisions I ever made."

I will have more to say in this blog about your choices in assisted living. The point here is that what you’re going through now has probably been gone through before. The good news is that there is more help available these days. The best news is, it’s worth the effort.